he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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