Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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