dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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