farters have to be the big spoon...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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