break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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