Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
