I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
