Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
