im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
