i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
