I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
this is an emotional support booty call
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
