So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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