Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i've created a new STD.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
