Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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