1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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