Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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