i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
