even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
