Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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