just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
