You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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