you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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