There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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