We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
