It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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