there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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