Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
