I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
