My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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