things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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