my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
