So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
