Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize