Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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