My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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