i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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