So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
