just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize