Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did we literally take a cab across the street
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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