in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
