I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
