She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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