I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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