I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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