i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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