how can u be prego again
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
