erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
