Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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