I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
