I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
