you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
