Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize