I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
