my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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