Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
