That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
