My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
