You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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