The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
