There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
