I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
