Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
