I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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