somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
