We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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