she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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