I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize