Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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