im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
