he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
