I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
