So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
