Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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